Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
