flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
