this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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