Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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