This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
