guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
