please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
