I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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