Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
