I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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