Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
