I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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