dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
