Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
