I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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