She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
