We need to rekindle our bromance
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
