Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I did not marry a roomba.
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