I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize