i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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