We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
