I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
