i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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