Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
