He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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