So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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