He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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