help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
