addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
