I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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