Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
