i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize