my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
