words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
