Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
