since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
