Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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