the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
