She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
