There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
