Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
