You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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