Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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