Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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