Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
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Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
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I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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