How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
