I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
