do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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