Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
