he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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