Swine flu. Run for my life!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
