first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
