It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
