I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
