Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
