please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
