how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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