First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Randomize
