It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
