you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
