Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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