i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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