matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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