the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
