hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
