Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
