So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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