Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
