I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
