im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
