I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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