u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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