are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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