After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
