1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Your penis caused this!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
