Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
